Dear Munchkin,
Last weekend, we told Grammy and Papa D and Nana about you, and they are ecstatic. It was amazing to tell them, to watch their faces as they absorbed the news, to have them share in our joy. An incredible high.
And then the long weekend was over; Daddy and I came back from visiting my parents on Sunday night and got to spend some quality time together on Monday since it was a holiday...and then Monday night, I started spotting.
It was terrifying. All things considered, it was pretty minor. There was nothing at 7 p.m. when I took some medicine, and then at 8.15 when I went to the bathroom again there was blood. Dark red blood. My doctor had asked me at our last visit if I'd had any spotting, and I said no. She said that it's OK if I do, and that I only need to call if it's "bright red blood." This wasn't bright red. Intellectually I was pretty sure it was alright. But Daddy and I held each other tightly and tried (unsuccessfully, in my case) not to cry. I waited an hour, then checked again, and there was no more blood. Checked again a while later, and in the middle of the night, and in the morning; still no more blood. My heart eased a bit, and I was able to breathe again. Still, it was the scariest thing that has happened so far in my pregnancy. Daddy told you, "Munchkin, stay in there and keep growing. Don't you go anywhere. Don't you leave us. It's very important that you start listening to Mommy and Daddy now...it's a good precedent." And you listened, dear Munchkin. Thank G-d and G-d bless you, you listened.
love,
the infertile turtle who knows that at the moment, she's still your Mommy...but hopes to feel even more reassured after tomorrow's ultrasound
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
A picture is worth a thousand words
Dear Munchkin,
We saw you today! There is only one of you. You're a tiny little thing - a tenth of an inch or so - but we could see you (the fetal pole) and yolk sac and the gestational sac - and everything looked beautiful, according to our doctor. We even got to see the flickering that is your proto-heartbeat. So that was utterly amazing. I'll go back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound, at which time hopefully we'll be able to hear and measure your heartbeat; once we can do that, my risk of miscarriage drops to 5%. Just before the ultrasound, I'll meet with a genetic counselor to see if you have any increased risks, given your cousin with Sotos syndrome and your other cousin with microtia.
If everything looks good at that scan, we will "graduate" from our fertility doctor (reproductive endocrinologist) back to my regular ob/gyn.
Around 10-12 weeks, we'll probably do a CVS. But right now, I should take things one day at a time, and be grateful that you measured exactly on schedule (6w2d) today, and give thanks for the miracle that is YOU, at this moment.
love,
the infertile turtle who is a worrywart of a Mommy
We saw you today! There is only one of you. You're a tiny little thing - a tenth of an inch or so - but we could see you (the fetal pole) and yolk sac and the gestational sac - and everything looked beautiful, according to our doctor. We even got to see the flickering that is your proto-heartbeat. So that was utterly amazing. I'll go back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound, at which time hopefully we'll be able to hear and measure your heartbeat; once we can do that, my risk of miscarriage drops to 5%. Just before the ultrasound, I'll meet with a genetic counselor to see if you have any increased risks, given your cousin with Sotos syndrome and your other cousin with microtia.
If everything looks good at that scan, we will "graduate" from our fertility doctor (reproductive endocrinologist) back to my regular ob/gyn.
Around 10-12 weeks, we'll probably do a CVS. But right now, I should take things one day at a time, and be grateful that you measured exactly on schedule (6w2d) today, and give thanks for the miracle that is YOU, at this moment.
love,
the infertile turtle who is a worrywart of a Mommy
Thursday, January 9, 2014
You're only a day away
Dear Munchkin,
It's less than 12 hours until my first ultrasound as pregnant lady. G-d-willing, we will get our first glimpse of you. Please, please, please be healthy. Be growing. Be strong. Your Daddy and I are so excited, and I am so terrified that something will be wrong. We both love you so much already. It's mind-boggling to know that we'll love you even more with each passing day.
I find myself shaking with fear over what the outcome of tomorrow's doctor visit will be. I'm afraid to let myself imagine a positive outcome. I've only just gotten you, dear baby. It scares me senseless to think that I might lose you before I even meet you.
love,
the infertile turtle who is perhaps the most paranoid Mommy ever
It's less than 12 hours until my first ultrasound as pregnant lady. G-d-willing, we will get our first glimpse of you. Please, please, please be healthy. Be growing. Be strong. Your Daddy and I are so excited, and I am so terrified that something will be wrong. We both love you so much already. It's mind-boggling to know that we'll love you even more with each passing day.
I find myself shaking with fear over what the outcome of tomorrow's doctor visit will be. I'm afraid to let myself imagine a positive outcome. I've only just gotten you, dear baby. It scares me senseless to think that I might lose you before I even meet you.
love,
the infertile turtle who is perhaps the most paranoid Mommy ever
Friday, January 3, 2014
5w2d
Dear Baby,
Your Daddy and I have taken to calling you "Munchkin." And we love you infinitely.
On the forums I read, women describe their pregnancies in weeks and days - I am officially 5 weeks and 2 days (5w2d) pregnant. It's a little silly, the way they count; you were conceived precisely 3 weeks and 2 days ago, the day of my fourth IUI. Yet I have to add two extra weeks to the count and aim for a 40-week pregnancy, even though I will only actually be pregnant (G-d-willing) for 38 weeks.
A week from today is our first ultrasound. We probably won't be able to see very much, but we hope to see the gestational sac with the fetal pole and yolk sac. And if we could hear your heartbeat, that would be amazing. All of that would tell us that you are doing well, growing as you should. My mind sometimes drifts down other paths of what we might or might not see, and I have shut it down before I fall apart.
love,
the infertile turtle who still sometimes thinks this is too good to be true, and is waiting for the other shoe to crash down
Your Daddy and I have taken to calling you "Munchkin." And we love you infinitely.
On the forums I read, women describe their pregnancies in weeks and days - I am officially 5 weeks and 2 days (5w2d) pregnant. It's a little silly, the way they count; you were conceived precisely 3 weeks and 2 days ago, the day of my fourth IUI. Yet I have to add two extra weeks to the count and aim for a 40-week pregnancy, even though I will only actually be pregnant (G-d-willing) for 38 weeks.
A week from today is our first ultrasound. We probably won't be able to see very much, but we hope to see the gestational sac with the fetal pole and yolk sac. And if we could hear your heartbeat, that would be amazing. All of that would tell us that you are doing well, growing as you should. My mind sometimes drifts down other paths of what we might or might not see, and I have shut it down before I fall apart.
love,
the infertile turtle who still sometimes thinks this is too good to be true, and is waiting for the other shoe to crash down
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