The beginning, five months in

Dear Baby,

You don't exist yet.  I was really hoping you would, that this third IUI would work.  IUI #1 was on Clomid; IUIs #2 and #3 were on Femara.  Today was 13dpiui (days post IUI) and I was really thinking this one would work.  But the test this morning said no.  I'll test again tomorrow morning, and tomorrow's also my beta test, but at this point I'm not optimistic.  I cried a lot today.

I know that our infertility journey is shorter than many other women's.  But your Daddy and I didn't fall in love until we were in our mid-30s.  At our wedding - over a year ago already - I was 34 and he was 35.  When we were ready to start trying to bring you into the world, we found out that my AMH level was only 0.4.  We found an awesome doctor who had us try on our own for two months, with her monitoring how ready my body was at each step.  Then we tried with her help...and you're still just a dream, not a reality.

Wherever you are, whenever you will exist, I love you already.  I miss you desperately.  I hope you'll come to us soon, little one.

Love,
the infertile turtle who can't wait to be your Mommy